Welcome to the eighteenth Ask Dr B episode, and the fortieth episode overall of Harness Your ADHD Power, a podcast show I created to explore the many facets of adult life with ADHD and how you can learn to harness your personal ADHD power to become unstoppable.
I’m so glad you could join me today!
So, are any of today’s topics a challenge for you? If you’re like most of the adults I know and love, then I already know that the answer is yes. And I’m curious, if you’ve ever wondered “why” these are so challenging for you? I used to wonder and don’t anymore, so let me share a bit about what I’ve figured out about “why” they can be so challenging
First a key piece about neuroplasticity; the brain that continually changes itself. Your brain rapidly prunes disused circuits and strengthens most-used circuits, which means that what you don’t use you do lose to a greater or lesser degree. This is important to keep in mind.
Next, I want to speak to your self-esteem for a moment. YOU are not a failure! Rather, the systems have failed you. The systems have failed to teach you everything you needed to know (meaning skills), in the ways you needed to learn, so that you could have a happy, productive and successful adult life. AND…it’s never too late to learn the skills that will make that possible for you NOW…no matter what your age is! I really need you to pause for a moment and take this in. YOU are not a failure. Rather, the systems have failed you. AND, it is your responsibility to learn the skills, mostly executive function skills you are missing, if you want to have a happier, more productive and successful adult life.
After so many conversations with adults like you, I know that you want to be on time, and I know that you haven’t been able to be on time for a variety of reasons; and none of them are because you lack the desire to be on time. I know that you want to be able to see which tasks need to be done first, second and so, and then be able to start them when they need to be started and finish them, yet you haven’t been able to do that either. And again, it’s not for lack of desire on your part. I know that when you think about the day ahead, you want to be productive and feel proud at the end of the day for all you have accomplished. Instead, you look at how you spent your time and see that much of it was “busy work” and not productive work on the essential things that you really wanted to be working on. I’ve seen the beat-down look on so many of your faces when you share these “failures” with me and it breaks my heart, because I know these failed attempts only add to the negative feelings you already have about yourself; feelings that may have been growing for years now.
And remember to pay attention to your WINS!! Please don't short-change yourself by thinking that it’s pointless or stupid to reward yourself for things you’re “supposed to do.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. And if you feel that these are the “thankless little tasks of life,” they probably feel that way because that’s how you think of them and have given them that “less than” meaning. Please don’t. These are the very things that deserve to be celebrated so they become easier to do consistently, and you find them more enjoyable each and every time.
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for joining me for my Ask Dr B podcast show. Have some feedback you'd like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!
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I’ve been asked a few times to explain exactly “how” to rate the show and write a thoughtful review on iTunes as it seems to be confusing to many of you, and that you’d really like to do so but haven’t been able to yet. So, here’s what you do from a computer and it should be fairly similar on your mobile device.
How to "rate" the show on iTunes:
Anyways, that’s my mini-tutorial on how to rate the show and write a thoughtful review, since I’ve been asked a few times now. I hope the little mini-tutorial is helpful to you.
If you have any questions or suggestions for me, email me directly by clicking HERE.
A Favorite Quote:
Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is “Are you willing to apply this to your relationship with yourself as well as to your relationship with others?” I hope so. What you say matters. What you do matters. Who you are matters. First and foremost to yourself and the quality of your own life and second to you’re relationships with others.
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