Ask Dr B – about Relationship Development, Self-Acceptance, Over-Committing & Parenting An ADHD Child - 038Aug 31, 2017
Welcome to the seventeenth Ask Dr B episode, and the thirty-eighth episode overall of Harness Your ADHD Power, a podcast show I created to explore the many facets of adult life with ADHD and how you can learn to harness your personal ADHD power to become unstoppable.
I’m so glad you could join me today. We’ve got four great topics so let’s get to it!
First, since you’re on this journey with me, I want to applaud your courage straight away. Truly! It not only takes courage, but determination and commitment to yourself to get the training you need to rise up and become the person you were intended to become. And it’s worth every bit of the time, effort and energy it takes! I want you to have the life you want for yourself as much as any other person can want something for another. I feel it’s your birthright to have a happy and productive life, and just because you haven’t had it up to now doesn’t mean you don’t get to have it moving forward.
Thanks to four listeners, who have shared their questions with me on the topics of:
- Relationship Development
- Parenting An ADHD Child
Thank you to Mario, Rita, Shoshana and Chicago Mom for your questions for the Ask Dr B episode.
Mario shared and asked: “Relationship development seems to be hard because of some old codependent habits. For me good communication has always been a problem with both of my wives. I seem to do OK with friends and relationships; maybe it’s the close intimate ones that are important to me that are harder to work on. Good communication to me is having my feelings expressed in ways the other person can get what I’m trying to convey. Feelings have been hard to express in the past, and I’m doing a lot better now. I know in both my marriages I had problems shutting down when I felt hurt or pain from their comments or feelings that dredged up from the past. Is that an ADD problem or do main stream people have the same challenge?”
Rita asked and shared: “Not quite sure how to phrase this question or thought. Do you have any tips or thoughts on how to "recover" or not feel so bad or take it personally, when random thoughts come out of your mouth during a conversation, and the people involved stare at you like you're an alien or unintelligent? Sometimes, I share thoughts impulsively, and then they sound so "air heady" and I feel embarrassed right after, and then replay it in my head over and over. UGH!!”
Shoshana asked and shared: “What are some helpful ways to not take on too much? I say yes, get overwhelmed, and then stressed out.”
Chicago Mom shared and asked: “I've become an avid listener of your podcast thank you so much. It's become a tool as a parent with a child that has ADHD. I have many questions because we've just begun the journey. My question is how can I best serve my 9-year old child on her journey? Any resources you may have are greatly appreciated.”
And remember to pay attention to your WINS!! Please don't short-change yourself by thinking that it’s pointless or stupid to reward yourself for things you’re “supposed to do.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. And if you feel that these are the “thankless little tasks of life,” they probably feel that way because that’s how you think of them and have given them that “less than” meaning. Please don’t. These are the very things that deserve to be celebrated so they become easier to do consistently, and you find them more enjoyable each and every time.
Developing your Executive Function Skills and shifting your limiting beliefs is the fastest and most effective way to overcome ADHD limitations, find focus, gain confidence, and newfound freedom in your life!
My mission is to put an end to the worldwide needless suffering of adults with ADHD and those with under-developed Executive Function Skills - whether from ADHD, chronic depression or anxiety, trauma, addictions, or chronic illnesses. And, you don't need a formal diagnosis to know you need help developing these executive function skills in order to greatly reduce your suffering.
Full Episode Transcript HYAP Podcast Episode #048
Ask Dr B – about Inattention, Clarity & Foresight - 048
Thursday, October 5, 2017
This is episode 48 and another Ask Dr B episode.
Hey ADDers! I’m so glad you could join me today, and I hope you’re enjoying the little changes I’ve been making to deliver more focused content on topics of importance to you, as well as the way in which that content is now being delivered. When I first launched this podcast show, I felt the format needed to have three stories to illustrate the points of information I was teaching because we all remember stories. I would think about the characters, the point of the stories and work to pull it all together in a way that I thought would be good for you as my listeners. Since I was making up all the stories that I shared with you; that was roughly 6 stories a week that I needed to create and organize. If you know anything about my background and challenges with writing, you know that this was a huge undertaking for me and I made it work and grew as a result.
What I realized recently is that I have a lot of stories from my own life that I could share with you that would illustrate the points of information that I want to share and that it would be a lot easier to tell you my stories, than to make up 3 stories for every episode. Mind you, that doesn’t mean that I will only be telling you stories from my own life from now on, because I’ve really enjoyed making up the stories to illustrate the points I’ve wanted you to understand. So, we’ll see how this goes and over time, I’m sure I’ll find the right balance for each episode.
I chose the topics of Inattention, Clarity and Foresight for today because I’ve received a lot of questions over the years about these topics, and I want you to understand how they are inter-connected and impact each other. That without focused attention (on the right focal points) it is difficult to cultivate clarity (seeing or knowing your destinations or journey) and without clarity, it is pretty hard to have the foresight you need (looking ahead for how things will unfold along the journey and what challenges you might encounter) because how would you know where to look? If this sounds a bit vague right now, it will become clearer as we go along.
Years ago I was playing a game I made up, as I often do, about the 3 core symptoms of ADHD – inattentive, hyperactive and impulsive – and was thinking about what those symptoms really mean in terms of how they impact your life when you have these symptoms (because they create a “dis-ordered” life), and what your life can be like when you have the skills and abilities necessary to live a more “ordered” not “dis-ordered” life.
After all, ADHD is considered a “disorder” which to me means that these symptoms create dis-order; and I know they don’t have to.
Let’s start with Inattention, a symptom of ADHD and of many other conditions. What does it mean to be “Inattentive” and what’s the big deal about being “inattentive?” I hear this a lot from people who don’t understand the “dis-ordering” impact of Inattention. Consider these situations:
• You are driving a car and you’re inattentive. What could happen?
• You miss your exit and drive miles out of your way
• You cause an accident or are involved in an accident
• You don’t notice that you are almost out of gasoline or that other car fluids are low
• You aren’t attentive to the maintenance of your car and don’t notice that your tires are almost bald and need replacing for safety reasons
• You’re an attending doctor in the ER and you’re inattentive. What could happen?
• You are hyperfocused on certain symptoms and miss others
• Your attention gets pulled away from your patients to conversations other ER attendings are having
• You aren’t self-aware or attentive enough to monitor your own work pace and move too slowly for your position
• You’re a student in a classroom and you’re inattentive. What could happen?
• You attend every class but miss tons of lecture information and assignments or tests that are announced
• And what about being hyperactive?
• You go to the movies with your friends and continually get up and down throughout the entire film because you just can’t sit still.
• You wear your family out with your need to constantly be doing things
And what about being impulsive?
• You see something in the store and you buy it without knowing if you have the money to make the purchase and hence you create a lot of debt for yourself.
• You think someone is nice or cute or a good person without knowing too much about them and decide they are the right person to marry.
• You say things without thinking first and later regret what you blurted out in haste
Those are just a few simple or even silly examples of what these 3 core symptoms can cause in your life. They are significant and certainly not “no big deal.”
• And so what if you are “Inattentive” and also lack “Clarity?”
• You can’t pay attention to what you need to pay attention to, when you need to pay attention to it, and so when you need to figure out where to move or what college to go to or which vehicle to purchase or which class to sign up for you are hugely challenged.
• How do you decide?
• Clearly you need to work on becoming more attentive first and then cultivate your clarity so you can make the decisions most adults need to make.
• And what if you are “Inattentive”, lack “Clarity” and also lack the executive function skill of “Foresight?”
• Are you doomed forever to not see the edge of the cliff because of your inattentiveness and lack of foresight, until you are about to go over the edge or even as you are going over the edge? I hope not.
• If you lack Attentiveness, Clarity and Foresight, how can you make a financial budget; or even budget your time?
• Foresight means that you have the ability to look ahead into the future and “see” the possible outcomes or scenarios that could happen as a result of what is happening right now and take appropriate steps to avert a problem or support the desired outcome.
So, what are you supposed to do if you are inattentive, lack clarity and lack foresight?
• From a triage perspective, you are going to have to train your mind to be more attentive and there are many ways to do that.
• Once you are more attentive, when you need to be, and where you need to be, you can move on to work on gaining greater clarity on whatever you need clarity on. Again, there are many ways to do that.
• And once you are more attentive and have greater clarity, you can focus on developing your executive function skills of foresight. This skill is lots of fun to develop. You get to dream up or imagine many different possibilities. I actually love the skill of foresight because it allows me to play with so many different scenarios in my mind; allows me to use the creative parts of my mind and have some fun while I’m learning something new.
• And you are going to need to develop all of these if you plan on living a happier and more productive adult life.
And before you invest your energy in learning all these new things, you need to make sure that you are okay with change. Are you? Seriously!! This is a lot of change! And In case you aren’t aware of this, there are two kinds of change; first order and second order change. First order is more superficial and temporary and second order is deeper and more permanent. A quick and easy example would be about weight reduction. If you go on a diet and make yourself stick with a food program because you want to reduce your weight, this is first order change. If you aren’t working with your beliefs or values or anything else other than your behaviors and working hard to stick to the diet to reach your goal, this is all first order change to me. If you want to make your weight reduction more permanent and be able to just maintain it and not have to start over, again and again, then you want to go deeper and work towards second order change, which to me means that you are working with your beliefs, values, sense of yourself or identity and other things so that you make a shift in how you live your life and actually become the person who lives that way, rather than “playing” at being that person temporarily. I hope you get the difference.
When you hear the phrase “for things to change, you have to change” I believe this means that YOU have to change into the person who has whatever the change is that you want.
Again, if you haven’t taken the time to listen to a few key episodes that seem to be on the minds of many of my listeners; I highly recommend that you do – they are Episode 036, Ask Dr B About The High Cost Of Not Knowing About Executive Function, Episode 027, Figuring Out Where To Start When So Much Needs Your Attention Now, and Episode 001, It’s Not Your Fault & You’re Not Off The Hook Either. And if you have listened to any or all of them, I’d be so grateful if you’d post a review on iTunes about any one of those episodes or the show in general. Thank you in advance.
In addition to talking about Inattention, Clarity and Foresight today, I want to talk some about how Executive Function Deficits co-exist with Inattention, Clarity and Foresight and what that looks like. I feel it’s important to continue to talk about Executive Function because I continue to hear adults talk about the symptoms of Executive Function deficits as their ADHD, which they are not; these are different yet parallel and co-existing conditions.
So let’s review some of the EF skills again and let me say a little about how they tie into Inattention, Clarity and Foresight, in my opinion.
• Impulse control (or inhibition) helps you think before you act. Without it, you might blurt out inappropriate things.
• Inattention – not able to pay attention to your actions; distracted by internal or external stimuli
• Clarity – not sure what is appropriate in social situations
• Foresight – unable to see that acting impulsively and saying certain things will hurt others and those relationships could be seriously damaged
• Emotional control (or self-regulation) helps you keep your feelings in check or alter how you feel about things. Without it, you might overreact, as well as have trouble dealing with criticism or regrouping when things go wrong.
• Inattention – not able to keep your thoughts on the present moment and track what is happening so that the wrong meanings aren’t given to situations and cause further problems
• Clarity – about what is soothing to you and how to self-sooth in highly emotional situations
• Foresight – looking ahead in situations to see what might be triggering to you emotionally and addressing whatever you can in advance so you don’t have a meltdown or • go into overwhelm
Flexible thinking helps you adjust to the unexpected events of life. It also helps you shift your attention from one thing to another. Without it, your thinking is “rigid” and you can’t roll with the punches. You might even get frustrated when someone wants you to see things from their point of view.
• Inattention – if you have difficulty paying attention to what’s really important rather than trivial things, you will be less able to think something through and might get frustrated by less important things
• Clarity – to see how you want your life to unfold and be able to adjust your actions and decisions accordingly
• Foresight – to see what could derail your plans and what could make things work out well and be ready to shift your behaviors and thinking accordingly; not attached to things going the way you first thought
• Working memory (non-verbal) helps you keep key information in your mind while you are learning something new. It also helps you to multi-task and to remember what you are doing in each task or project. Without it, you could have trouble remembering directions or steps in a project, even if you’ve taken notes or repeated the information to yourself many times; it just falls away.
• Inattention – this one seems pretty obvious that if you can’t focus and pay attention when you need to, you won’t have the key information to keep in mind while you attempt to learn something new. You most likely won’t be focused or attentive to the known or new information.
• Clarity – if you aren’t clear about the steps in a project or task because you were also inattentive, you might really feel lost or overwhelmed
• Foresight – can’t occur if the information you need to use isn’t available • Working memory (verbal) helps you direct your life via self-speech or an internal dialogue. “Self-Talk.” I prefer to externalize this speaking.
• Inattention – if you don’t know the steps because you haven’t been attentive, you can’t use self-speech or self-talk to direct yourself and you’d probably feel overwhelmed and confused about where to start a task or project and not have the necessary information to talk yourself through the process
• Clarity – about the step-by-step process and able to direct yourself with that information; can’t without the information
• Foresight – able to talk yourself through any of the challenges or obstacles and guide yourself away from potholes because you tell yourself in advance to not go that way or watch out for whatever that is
• Self-monitoring (or self-awareness) helps you assess how you’re doing. Without it, you might be surprised when things turn out as they do because you aren’t accurately tracking yourself and how what you do or don’t do impacts other people or outcomes.
• Inattention – you need to be attentive to yourself to become more self-aware or be accurate with your self-monitoring. You also need a good attention to details ability to notice the finer details about yourself
• Clarity – is needed to put the correct meaning to what you are aware of
Foresight – would allow you to see into the future what the possible outcomes are of your actions and how you are developing as a person
• Planning and prioritizing helps you set a goal and a plan to meet your goal. Also known as “self-play” which is how you play with information in your mind and come up with new ways of doing something. You experiment with combining parts of things in different ways to come up with the best solution for you. Without it, you might not know which tasks are most important to get done first or which parts of a project are the most important or which information you are reading is the most important; since not everything you read is the most important.
• nattention – missing this EF skill would definitely put you at a disadvantage and if you are also inattentive, and don’t even know what you are supposed to be planning for, you might feel completely lost and overwhelmed
• Clarity – is essential to create a successful plan and prioritize the tasks for your plan. If you can’t see or sense the plan clearly, how can you successfully complete it?
• Foresight – means that you are able to see things before they happen so you can plan for them. When planning your goals or outcomes, being able to see possible traps or problems or shortcuts in advance, allows you to actually work them into the plan
• Task initiation (or self-motivation) helps you take action and get started on something; it’s what activates you, particularly when there is no immediate external consequence. Without it, you might freeze up and have no idea where to begin with a task or project; you could feel lost or overwhelmed.
• Inattention – this is where I think the “feeling” becomes so very important. If you don’t “feel” like getting started or doing something, you typically won’t. I sign of maturity is that you would do it even if you didn’t feel like it; hence the immaturity of many of us adults. • Clarity – about what activates you is very important; if you don’t know what does, I don’t know how you could possibly get yourself started
• Foresight – looking ahead and seeing that there will be no one watching you and making sure that things get done as they need to, you need to look ahead and determine how you are going to set up successful accountability for yourself
• Organization helps you keep track of things; both physically and mentally. Without it, you could lose things as well as thoughts; just draw a blank.
• Inattention – how could you know where your things are if you aren’t paying attention when you put them down or away? You need the visual record in your mind. You need a system or method for organizing your thoughts just as you do for your physical possessions. Being attentive to details helps tremendously in this process.
• Clarity – about what you envision as the flow of how your thoughts or possessions are organized; what’s the theme or structure of them?
• Foresight – is being able to look ahead and see what might work the best in terms of organization for the quickest retrieval
I hope these little examples have been helpful to you seeing how important attention, clarity and foresight is when we are talking about the executive function skills. It’s difficult enough to be missing these skills but without attention, clarity or foresight, it makes acquiring these skills that much more difficult.
And just so we’re clear, taking medication might help your Inattentiveness, which might help with your Clarity “IF” your lack of Clarity is due solely to your Inattentiveness. If not, then it won’t because you’ll need to develop the skills to gain Clarity. The same is true for Foresight, which is an EF skill and requires development; can’t be fixed with a pill. Bottom line is that you have to learn what you don’t know how to do, and if you don’t, they you can only expect a life with limitations that will frustrate you; at least they did me, so I learned the skills.
I’ve invested a lot of time, effort and energy to learn what I didn’t know how to do because I was tired of living a limited life. Perhaps many of you are also tired of living a limited life and are also going to have to invest the time, effort and energy necessary to remove the limitations in your own lives. If so, the sooner you do the work, the sooner your life gets easier, happier and productive. I listen to many adults talk about the “lost time” or “missed opportunities” and I don’t disagree that there is all of that; AND…the longer you wait to learn what you need to learn, the more “lost time” and “missed opportunities” you are adding to your history. We can’t turn back the hands of time, however, we can move forward with determination to have the best possible life with the time that we have.
In a previous episode, I talked about that we are definitely a ‘FEELING DRIVEN PEOPLE” and that when we “FEEL LIKE IT” or have “A GOOD ENOUGH REASON” or “SENSE OF URGENCY” about something that really matters to us, we take action. An example would be that someone you care deeply about or love is in trouble and you can help him or her; in fact, they need your help to be okay. You hear the news of their distress and you jump into action and take whatever steps are necessary to help them. You don’t have to “get motivated” because you are motivated by how you FEEL. That said, I got to thinking a while back that we can’t just wait until we feel like doing something because if we approach life that way, we might never feel like it or certainly not feel like it at the times that we need to feel like it. Make sense? Hope so.
The idea I came up with for myself is having “an emotional library of feelings” that I can tap into and connect with the feeling that I need to feel in order to take the action I need or want to take. When a loved one is in trouble, the feeling I might be tapping into is one of love or devotion or commitment or whatever the feeling is that I need to jump into action and help. I don’t have to think about it or get organized or prioritize or anything like that; I just know that I need to take action and I do. What about you? Do you situations like I am describing where all the limitations you experience in other areas of your life just fall away and you are able to take action?
Similarly, are you able to take action and feel competent when you are interacting with others and there’s an “exchange” of energy and feelings but when it comes to taking action with just yourself, the feeling to act isn’t there because there isn’t an exchange of energy or the feeling you need to take the action? Does this describe any of the situations in your life? I know it does for many of the adults I work with.
So, back to the “emotional library of feelings” that I can tap into when I need a feeling. What do I mean more specifically? I’ll give you an example. I love the original Rocky movie theme song. I hear that song and my entire “feeling state” changes. I feel motivated and alive and determined and so many other feelings. And if “feelings” are truly associated with thoughts and emotions just are the natural response of our nervous system, then I often wonder what thoughts I am having in connections with the feelings I experience when I hear that song or other songs that also move me.
So, how are you going to get yourself to FEEL like doing the things you need or want to do? It isn’t enough to just say, “I don’t feel like it” or “I didn’t feel like it.” I hear what you are saying AND you need to know that you can learn to “feel like it” so you can get things done. This is something you can learn to do for yourself. What songs or thoughts or memories or other resources are you going to tap into that will move you into action because you can FEEL IT; feel like moving into action. It seems that we need a stronger jumpstart than others to FEEL IT and feel like doing what we need to do. And “feel like it” isn’t interpreted by me in the way that many of you might be thinking of it. To me, the need to “feel like it” means that I need to feel the feeling that I would be feeling if I did feel like it; it’s the feeling that is connected to the “it”.
Another way that you can shift your state and feelings is by celebrating your WINS; seriously! I talk about using the celebration of your WINS to raise your mood and shift your attitude into something more positive and it works. Paying attention to what’s going well instead of what isn’t expands your positive feelings and gives you the lift you need to keep going and generate more WINS. So celebrate them all, big and small, with a full heart of appreciation for all that you are that is right and doing that is right.
Please don't short-change yourself by thinking that it’s pointless or stupid to reward yourself for things you’re “supposed to do” like get up in the morning or take a shower or bath or feed yourself. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Are you really going to make yourself wait until something HUGE happens to celebrate? Does something HUGE happen everyday? Probably not! But the kind of WINS I’m talking about can and often do. And from what I see, they are an absolute necessity to getting yourself out of the emotional ditch of whatever ails you and into a better attitude and way of living. And based on the feedback I get from the students in my ADDventures in Achievement program, this regular practice of celebrating their WINS is changing their lives for the better.
So, what’s it going to be for you today? What are you going to celebrate? Maybe you’ve decided to take the risk and start a small business on the side, while you continue to work at your regular job; that’s certainly a WIN. Perhaps you’ve chosen to take your self-care more seriously and create a better schedule or structure for yourself to live by; that’s definitely a WIN. Maybe you’ve decided that a college degree isn’t going to give you the life you’ve always wanted, and that when you get honest with yourself, you can clearly see that; that’s a wonderful insight and WIN. You get the point; celebrate all of them; big and small. And none of this “half-hearted celebrating”; you’ve got to mean it. Exaggerate your emotions. YES!!!! WOW!! AWESOME!! You want your acknowledgement and celebration to register in your neurology with the power to move you and shift your state. Many of us need a higher level of stimulation or intensity for things to register. So, if that’s you, give that to yourself and exaggerate your celebration so you can actually feel it.
And listen…you’re not broken! You’re not defective or less than. You are YOU! You have gifts and talents that may be different than others but valuable nonetheless. You are a precious “human being” whose value is a given; because I am not talking about you as the “human doing” that most of society views you as. You may be missing some skills, and skills can be learned, if you’re willing to invest the time, effort and energy to learn them. I know this is true because my students are learning skills they’ve been missing most of their life and it’s amazing to share in the transformation of their thinking and behaviors and aha moments.
And you’re also not alone in this. There are millions of us adults in this same boat, needing to learn many of these same skills; and I’m in the boat right there with you. My life might look pretty good to some of you who are struggling with the things that I no longer struggle with but that doesn’t mean that I no longer struggle with things because I do. In fact lately, there’s a lot I’ve been struggling with and it’s providing me with tons of lessons and opportunities to practice self-love, self-compassion and self-acceptance because anything less is foolishness. The mold situation isn’t completely resolved yet and so I am still struggling with the impact of it on me. The resolution is coming by the end of this week (I hope) and until it does, I am doing the best I can and that has to be good enough because I can’t do any better than I am. Maybe you can relate to my story and something in your own life that is challenging you right now and that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances, just like I am, and that’s all you can do.
How your brain, mind and body works is the uniqueness of you. And if how you are put together currently is “dis-ordered” it doesn’t have to stay that way. Your uniqueness doesn’t have to be a limitation; it can be your strength once you understand YOU and what you need to live as your best self. It’s my hope that you’ll get some of what you need here.
Today’s episode is all about answering the questions you have about issues or challenges you experience as an adult living with ADHD, and offering you hope. How much time do we have? Not much. So let’s get to it.
So, here’s a little bit more about life before and after the work to be done:
• I was diagnosed later in life, in my 50s; but only diagnosed with ADHD not with EF deficits.
• I also grew up with learning disabilities that have lessened with age.
• I’ve experienced and worked my way through many life challenges typical of an adult with ADHD, whether we’re talking about addictions, obsessions, compulsions, health challenges, anxieties, depression, and so much more.
• On the flip side, my never-ending curiosity and unique ways of thinking and viewing the world and circumstances I am presented with have helped me to excel in all areas of my life. I have been able to come up with solutions and strategies that are very much “out-of-the-box” and work create for others and me as well.
• Here’s a little glimpse of how it was before:
• I was impulsive in my choices or decisions because I didn’t have any good strategies or structures for making good decisions and knowing that they were good and why
• I lacked adequate foresight and had many bad or hurtful outcomes that could have been prevented if I had that executive function skill back then
• My hyperactivity expressed itself with lots of fiddling with things and excessive talking
• I had way too much paper to keep track of
• Had no boundaries around the number of books I allowed myself to buy (but didn’t read)
• Didn’t have homes for all my things and return them home daily
• Dreamed of a different life; a better life than the one I was living earlier on in my life but had no clarity on what that life actually was like.
• I’d start talking a loud in the middle of a conversation (to others) because the first half of the conversation took place in my head even though I swore I was talking a loud from the beginning.
• I was consistently 10 minutes late to appointments or get-togethers with friends
• I wouldn’t think about where I wanted to go before I started moving such as get out of my car and just start walking and looking everywhere for a trash can
• I was directionally challenged and had a hard time remembering left and right
• oI couldn’t remember names of people I met in classes or workshops or most any place
• And how it is today, which is still a work in progress:
• I have learned to limit the number of decisions I make in any given day to avoid decision fatigue. And, I also have learned good decision-making strategies so I know that when I make a decision, it’s been well thought out and I know why I made that particular decision.
• I have played many games with myself to develop my foresight skill and have come to love the EF skill of foresight. Imagining so many different scenarios and possibilities, without becoming overwhelmed, is great.
• I fidget much less than I used to; however, I still find that I do talk a lot.
• I got myself a paper shredder and set up some criteria or guidelines for what papers I keep and for how long and where and have been working to get my papers into that system over time; still more to do but much improved
• I set up criteria for books and now if I want a new books or books, I have to let go of that many books before I can get the new books. Plus, I’ve learned to “interview” potential books I am interested in to determine
what value they will bring into my life or not, before I allow myself to make the purchase. • Have given “homes” to all my things and created a curfew for them which is typically 24 hours to get themselves back to their homes.
• I’ve learned that clarity about the life I want to live continues to change and evolve. • I don’t think that I start conversations in my head anymore without saying what I say a loud; at least I haven’t heard that I do
• In becoming aware that I was “consistently” 10 minutes late, I saw that I could actually see myself being on time and just needed to understand what was happening that created those 10 minutes of lateness consistently. I learned that I would try and do one last thing before leaving as well as the time I said I had to leave was the time I was getting ready to leave not the time that my butt was in the car seat and leaving my space. My new rule became that the leaving time was my butt in the seat leaving, not getting ready to leave and it works great.
• Instead of just getting out of my car and moving, I pause, look around for my target (in this case the trashcan), and then walk towards one of them
• The GPS in my phone has helped tremendously with being directionally challenged; I no longer fear getting lost.
• Because the shame or embarrassment of not remembering people names is gone, if I forget someone name, I just ask them for their name now. It feels great; very freeing.
Remember that most adults who receive a diagnosis of adult ADHD do not receive a diagnosis of Executive Function Deficits at the same time. If they did and received the skill training they needed, it could make all the difference in the world in terms of their quality of life and personal success.
If you relate to my story, here are two action steps you can take:
• First, get yourself on the Waitlist for ADDventures in Achievement. It’s definitely the place to be if you want help understanding what’s been holding you back and want to learn the skills to break free of your stuckness.
• Second, reach out to me right away at [email protected] and let me know what your current challenges are and what you’d like to achieve in the program.
And in case you want to know what the ADDventures in Achievement program is all about, what I’d say is that it’s a safe space to face yourself and your challenges and tell the truth about what you really want to be doing in your life, so I can help you to do whatever that is that makes your heart sing.
A Favorite Quote:
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is, “Are you willing to do that thing you’ve been saying and believing you cannot do?” I hope so because if that’s what is standing between you and the life you want, how can you not do it? You have to or throw in your hand for this lifetime.
That’s about it for today’s episode about Inattentiveness, Clarity and Foresight and how they impact each other. It means a lot to me to know that your life is getting a little bit better every time we get together. I do hope that you will take some positive action because for things to change, you have to change. And that means taking action, like checking out the episode links so you can benefit from all of the resources I continue to create for you in addition to this podcast show, that is, if that’s of interest to you. Remember, there’s a PDF transcription of this episode in the resources. Plus, I’d love to get to know you in the community group I created on Facebook and interact with you there when I go live.
So, if you benefited from today’s episode, take action now and share this show with your friends and family; perhaps rate the show or even write up an honest review of this episode so I know what you think of the content. Whatever you’re willing to take action on today will ripple out into the world and impact the course of your life as well as that of others you may never know about.
And if you don’t want to have to remember to look for new episodes, just subscribe and the newest episode will be in your feed by 1 am Pacific Time on Mondays and Thursdays.
So thanks for listening… Until the next time… Bye for now…
- Put yourself on the informational Waitlist for the ADDventures In Achievement Foundational Skills Program, so that you receive all the amazing emails we’ve written to both educate you about Executive Function skills as well as the details of the program; there is absolutely no obligation by being on the Waitlist. You’ll thank yourself for getting informed.
- Free Video and e-Book - Many Mental Health Providers & ADHD
- 13 EF Skills
- Join the amazing Living Beyond ADHD Facebook Group & hang out with your peeps
- Follow me on Dr B Facebook Page and enjoy live videos and more
- Follow me on Instagram and enjoy relevant resources
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